Tuesday, February 25, 2014

The Key to a Happy Life

Another funny kid story...one I don't want to forget!

A couple of weeks ago, Jack was battling a case of acute hives. We were back and forth to the doctor several times before we figured out what it was . . . poor guy, his entire body was covered in this awful red rash.

One night as we were going through the nightly ritual of creams, ointments, pills, and lotion, Jack was just sobbing. He looked awful—his neck, face, abdomen, arms, and legs were completely covered with big red welts.

As I was trying to calm him down with soothing words, this is the conversation that ensued:

Jack (in a sobbing, breathless voice): "I look so ugly. It's like I'm deformed. I'm never going to be normal again!"

Me: "You're not ugly Jack. You're going to be fine. I promise, it's not going to last forever."

Jack (still sobbing): "If I look like this, no one is ever going to love me!"

Me: "That's not true Jack. Lots of people love you. And I promise, you're not going to have this rash forever. I PROMISE!!!"

Jack (barely able to breathe at this point): "If I look like this, I am NEVER going to get a wife!"

Me: "Jack, calm down. You're going to be fine. I PROMISE!"

Jack (still barely able to breathe): "And if I don't get a wife, I AM NOT GOING TO HAVE A HAPPY LIFE!!!" (followed by a gut wrenching wail)

I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry at that point . . . his sorrow was so real and so raw that it pained me. But at the same time, I was cracking up that at 10 1/2 years old, he was thinking about finding a wife. And that he was equating a happy life with being married. Which makes me think, maybe Steve and I are doing something right . . . !

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

"Udderly" Hilarious

I know I'm months behind in blogging. A lot has transpired in the last 5 months that I hope to try and capture in the weeks to come. But I had a recent conversation with Jack that left me in near hysterics, and I don't want to forget it.

The boys were scheduled for their annual physical this week. I mentioned it to them over dinner one night, and Grant asked what a "physical" entailed. We had a brief discussion about it, and I did my best to summarize what all the doctor would be looking at and checking for. Grant asked if the doctor would look at his "privates", and again, I did my best to give him the information he needed to not feel any anxiousness over the appointment.

I told the boys that even grown ups have physicals. In fact, I had mine just a few months ago. I explained some of the things the doctor did, and I thought that was that. Then Jack asked rather sheepishly, "When you had your physical, did the doctor check your udders?"

I nearly spewed water all over the table. I wasn't sure if I heard him right.

"My what" I asked, with as straight a face as possible. His fifth grade class recently has been learning about the body . . . did he mean "uterus" and just mispronounce it?

"Your udders" he repeated. "You know, the things that made milk when we were babies."

It's true there were times I felt like a cow while nursing my babies. But udders??? I nearly died laughing. But not in front of him, of course :)